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When You Feel Lost and Alone in the World

Planning a Funeral as the Chief Mourner

Posted by on Jan 23, 2015 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

There’s no denying that planning a funeral is a difficult, stressful experience, especially for the person taking point on everything. If you’re the person closest to the deceased, there’s going to be a lot for you to do—and it can definitely feel bewildering and overwhelming. Thankfully, there are a few pieces of advice you can keep in mind that will help you through it. Remember that funerals are for the people left behind. Of course you want to respect the wishes of the deceased, and it’s only right that the funeral should reflect them in every way possible. Bear in mind, though, that this is actually for you—for you, and for everyone else who knew and loved them. If there’s something they wanted that you find too difficult, expensive or upsetting, it’s better that you forgo it than that you make this harder than it has to be.   Don’t let external pressure keep you from making the right decisions for you. Everyone is going to have an opinion, from random friends to the funeral directors themselves. You also might have some preconceived ideas of what a funeral is “supposed” to be like, or what you feel that other family members expect from one. None of these things matter. What’s important is that you, as chief mourner, plan the funeral you need to plan—and that everyone around you respects the fact that the buck stops with you. Don’t get angry or pushy, but do remind others that these things are your ultimate decision.   Take the advice of the professionals around you wherever possible. That said, it’s equally important to bear in mind that you’re surrounded by people who have more experience in this than you do. Not giving in to pressure isn’t the same thing as being unable to recognise good advice when you’re given it. If there’s something that the funeral director, celebrant or venue owner think you should reconsider, hear them out and make an informed decision. Make a point of delegating where you can. You don’t have to do everything yourself. If the exact kind of flowers you have isn’t important to you, ask someone else to handle the florist so you can concentrate on other things. If you’re not bothered by what the coffin looks like, let someone else make that decision for you. You’ve got a lot on your plate at the moment, and it’s important to prioritise.   Remind yourself that it’s okay if not everything is perfect. You’re not going to get every single tiny thing exactly the way you want it, because that’s how these things work—but that’s okay. The person whose life you’re mourning would understand that, and so will everyone else at the funeral. Remember to cut yourself some slack and remember what’s really important. For more tips and suggestions, talk to local funeral homes such as Affordable Family...

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